twenty-seven.

At some point this is the most personal job anyone could ever have, but at the same time it is just that...a job. You cannot take it to heart.
Right now I am dealing with a lot of drama in the organization I work with and I absolutely hate it. I am one of the most honest people, so for me to be accused of betraying someone is a low blow. I would love nothing more than to be wrong at this point and apologize for that, but I know that I am not wrong. In my opinion, if people are not guilty of wrong doing then they would not feel the need to scream their innocence before an accusation was even made.
This whole thing is so frustrating to me. Somewhere along the way we have gotten off track from what our original goal was. When did we stop caring about the people we are trying to help and focus on ourselves?
I pray that we all, me included, can walk away from this with that as our full focus. Let us leave hurt feelings behind and remember that there are people counting on us to keep moving forward.

Yours freely,
Tennessee James
tennjames06@yahoo.com

twenty-six

The staff here are putting us through intensive anti-racism training.  I am always excited to learn, but I am finding that through this training a lot of the participants are starting to segregate themselves.  Ally with people who share their different understandings and experiences. 
It is creating a lot of strife within our group.  I think confrontation is a good thing.  It helps clear the air, but at the same time I think that causing factions is never a good thing in such a small group.

How would you all handle this situation? 
Do you think the fact that majority of us are GLBTQ influences our need to segregate and make stronger alliances?

Yours freely,
Tennessee James
tennjames06@yahoo.com

twenty-five.

I just finished an entire training session on racism.  It hit close to home finally when we started talking about how racism influences every aspect of our lives. 
When they started talking about how we see women and LGBTQ people through racial lines, it made me want to cry.  But, the one that sent me over the edge was when we talked about HIV+ people. 
For some reason that one struck me as the most offensive.  Above the comments about women, feminists, over-weight people, etc., that one made me the most emotional.
Even after all this time, when people start talking about HIV/AIDS patients my emotions run wild.  I am so attached to that community it makes me hurt to think that anyone could discriminate health care, or housing, or support in any way for these people based on their race or social status.
I guess at some point we all have to make a conscience decision to be aware of these obstacles.  Now is the time that I admit that these issues plague my life.  I wish they didn’t, but they do.  It is up to me to change them.

Yours freely,
Tennessee James
tennjames06@yahoo.com

twenty-four.

The other day I was eating lunch with my friends, and they told me that the only difference between a writer and people who want to be writers is courage. They suggested I look into writing; I quickly dismissed what they were saying, but now that I have had time to think…
It is an interesting notion. Writing helps me focus my desires. It helps me understand what I have been through. It gives me a chance to reflect and look forward. And while it is already multi-purpose, it is very therapeutic.
I have to admit I question my own ability to put two words together and create a complete thought, but I know that if I were to stop it would be as if I lost something that was a part of me.

I am in Texas, and it’s hot! You would think I would be okay with it because I am originally from here, but NOTHING can prepare you for this exhausted feeling you get from heat.
I am very excited to be here. I was sent to this resort outside of Austin to be trained in nonviolence. I took the vow of nonviolence a couple of years ago, but it is always nice to go to a place and remember why you did what you did.
Sometimes, I forget. I will be honest, and it frustrates me when I find myself giving into my humanly desire to be violent. (By violent, I do not just mean physical violence.) Nonviolence is about so much more than causing someone else no physical distress, but it is about earnestly and honestly loving someone in your heart. It has been difficult lately to do that.
Most of my friends think it is funny, but I am so tired of having all the negativity come from me. I am not a negative person and it breaks my heart that my spirit is so worn out from what has been going on lately.
Please continue to think good thoughts on my behalf and pray for my ever peaceful journey.
Peace to you all.

Yours freely,
Tennessee James
tennjames06@yahoo.com